This Wolof saying is perfect for describing my life over the last month and a half. The saying means “I am like one bean in a pot of boiling water.” With a little imagination, one can picture what one bean in a pot of boiling water would look like. Bouncing from one side to the other, up and down, never staying in one place.
In the last Month I have been to 5 regions of Senegal, participated in two summits/trainings, vacationed with my wonderful sister, held a training about the ins and outs of raising chickens, and spent long days in site working on multiple different projects. Needless to say, the last month and a half has gone by very quickly!
In the Peace Crops community we have a phrase that we use quite often to describe the way we feel when out of village for PC events, or even vacation. “Site guilt”. Basically self-explanatory, site guilt is the feeling of guilt that volunteers feel when out of site frequently or for an extended period of time for work, or for play. It can also come in the form of just feeling bad for your ability to escape the real world and watch an episode of Grey’s every now and then.
I experience site guilt quite often in the form of thinking I am not doing enough. Working in a developing country is hard because you see all these issues that need fixing, but you have literally no way of fixing them. As Peace Corps Volunteers we are not able to ride up on a white horse and fix all of the problems in our communities. We take small steps, and a lot of times, those small steps don’t seem like enough for us.
It can be very hard to find where you fit within the community. As I have said in previous blog posts, two years is not a very long time. It feels like it at the time, but in order to really make a technical difference and improve the lives of people, two years is nothing. Development takes time, a lot of time. I, as a sustainable agriculture volunteer, can teach a technique for two years that I think is beneficial. However, if the importance of that technique is not realized, as soon as I leave, those people could easily stop using it. Because of this, many volunteers, including myself, have trouble realizing what impact we are really having in our communities.
If I can be so bold, that just sucks. Most days in my village are an internal struggle. Telling myself I am not doing enough, and that I need to try harder. The issue is figuring out how and what to do. Being an agriculture volunteer living in a desert, dry season is a struggle. There is not a lot of ag work to be done, so many days feel lazy and unproductive. I tried to assist one of the women’s groups in my village to have a dry season garden, but a combination of poor fence quality..i.e. goats, and the hot sun made their garden unproductive. This was very discouraging for me and makes me long for the rainy season when things will be green and vegetable production will be possible.
In times like these I try to remember the many positive things that I have experienced in my community and in my service as a whole. Things like sharing culture through holidays, food, birthdays, and every day activities, to just playing with children and being reminded that sometimes you just have to forget about the stress of your life and kick a ball around. Evenings spent wandering into the bush watching the sunset or just getting a few quiet moments away to appreciate the beauty around me. Joking and hysterically laughing with my host sister, or my Senegalese friends and realizing that 8 months ago I didn’t speak a word of this language. Meeting so many amazing fellow volunteers that share similar goals and have similar experiences. All of these things remind me why I am here and how I can continue to go about my service and feel accomplished and above all, happy.
In the last 30 days I have had an ag summit in Tambacounda, had an amazing vacation with my wonderful sister, made great progress on projects in village, and participated in a media network training that was very enlightening. Ohh, and I gained a new nephew!! So this last month and some day has been crazy,but these are a few great things that came out of it!
Abby's Adventures in Africa 